Taking a step back
It’s not too often that I feel disappointed in myself after dance class. But tonight really put things into perspective…
Learning one of Vinh’s most difficult pieces is a feat itself. If you finish class, regardless of what happens, you should keep going til the end. But today… I actually gave up towards the end. I wasn’t feeling tired, I know I could of kept going, but I didn’t. My body felt lazy and my mind was just too confused from overthinking what i’m doing wrong when it should really all be muscle movement. It could of been a number of things: I didn’t eat dinner yet (it’s a night class), I couldn’t get a certain 8 count, the piece itself needs at least 2 hours for muscle movement to kick in for everyone. But all in all, it should be FUN. I keep telling myself that, but I don’t feel that way.
The mentality that the demographic of the class being mainly high school and college undergrads is merely an excuse to not take it. But I don’t feel the same vibe since I haven’t done my fair share in being a part of the San Diego community and taking the time to establish friends/acquaintances. My demographic is either in a collegiate team/crew or in a dance agency already. So finding my way to be involved in the community will take some effort.
I don’t want to stop dancing. I don’t want it to be a hobby that I just pick up today and put aside forever because it’s already a lifestyle that I put so much time into — whether networking or taking class. I’ve decided to not take anymore Advanced classes from well-known artists and build myself through the intermediate/advanced classes from the next generation. I’m not here to be a fan of an artist/crew, buy their merch, and take their classes all the time because of fame. I’m already here in the community and I can see them all the time. It’s a matter of me wanting to be involved with them.
So I gotta pay my dues and learn from up and coming choreographers — i.e. Chris Martin. I’m hoping to get myself involved in a team so I can finally feel comfortable in my new home.